I’ve been meaning to write on here for a while, but things were too nice to write about.
Luckily they’re not now.
Found out on Friday that a friend of mine, and quite a few people
I work with, only has three months to live. I cannot explain how miserable this made me. They are one of the nicest people I have met. An absolute fucking privilege to know.
So three of us went out on Saturday to deal with this. The most miserable drinking session I have ever had. Also, took my stress out on lily, I was so rude. So she’s gone again.
Oh yeah, she came back and it was the best fucking time.
She was nice about going, like she said she can’t talk in terms of forever but for now we’re done. I don’t think she knows I’m not that stupid.
She won’t be back, and if she is, it’ll be in years, and il just be so bitter. That’s not moaning, I’m surprised I wasn’t more bitter already. 
Plus, while its been lovely, I don’t want to do this again. I need something back now and again. Like actually seeing her, and that’s just not gonna happen, she’s a very busy lady.
Anyway, it all went from the best to the worst in 24 hours.
Love always. 

Happy new year!


So a new year! Going into it I am no longer friends with tom. We fell out in November over me talking to Lily again. I always said I would have chosen her over him and now that’s been taken away from me, which is typical as I don’t have Lily either.

We spoke for a bit, her and I, and I mucked up again by sending her a Xmas card. She told me this was bad, so I told her I didn’t want to be friends.

This was only partly true. I love her still, very much but every time she abandons me again, it hurts. Like, I don’t think she believed I felt that bad about it all, because she felt so shit and I didn’t know so I can’t blame her, but I can’t keep being dropped, and I can’t keep hurting her.

It was funny, I got a new phone and I had to back it up and stuff and it showed me all my old texts.



And it’s funny because I have never been that close to someone or in all honest, as happy as I was then.

Which has lead me to my next major decision in life.

I was on a date a couple Saturdays ago and I was at firehouse and the girl I was with was lovely but a bit dim and it was alright. And then I saw her, lily walked straight past me, I don’t think she saw me, but I told the girl I didn’t feel well and went home.

So I’ve decided that when I finish my second year of UNI, to put in for a transfer to the sister UNI in London. I’ve only told Amy about this and she isn’t happy but I can no longer cause pain nor always hold back myself because of one person who doesn’t care for me enough to sit down and at least say I am forgiven.

In the mean time, I’m writing my epic poem to get it all out my system, epic like the Iliad. The Lilliad, so to speak.

I’m not telling tom I’m going and I’m not telling mum for a while. It’s going to be okay.

Love always, and happy new year.

What Is Literary Modernism? Essay. Year Two


The Modernist movement in literature is identifiable by a strong and intentional break with tradition. This break includes a strong reaction against established religious, political, and social views. Common themes include the idea that there is no such thing as absolute truth, that there is only relative truth and as such the world occupied is creating by our being, that is, it is what we say it is. By acting against previous traditions and breaking with established views a trend of the works becomes one of loss, despair and alienation rejecting the Victorian optimism, which in turn leads to a celebration of the individual and what lies within each person. Similarly, Modernist work is identifiable by its preoccupation with introspection, that is, to look within rather than out.

While the dates for the movement vary upon source, one of the commonly agreed catalysts for such change is the First World War (1914-1918). Most of the Modernist authors felt betrayed by the powers that be by the war whom they felt had led the civilized world into a bloody and unnecessary conflict. As such, faith in the institutions as a way to understand life diminished and they began to look within themselves for the answers to their questions. Such can be seen in T.S Eliot’s ‘The Waste Land’ which is a scything indictment of the emptiness of industrialism and Huxley’s ‘Brave New World’ which warns against where society was perceived to be heading.

Modernist writers such as Eliot, James Joyce, Virginia Woolf, W.B. Yeats, Ezra Pound, Gertrude Stein, and Franz Kafka amongst others rejected the aesthetic burden of realism as a novel form and used other methods such as ‘the radical disruption of linear flow of narrative; the frustration of conventional expectations concerning unity and coherence of plot and character and the cause and effect development thereof; the deployment of ironic and ambiguous juxtapositions to call into question the moral and philosophical meaning of literary action; the adoption of a tone of epistemological self-mockery aimed at naive pretensions of bourgeois rationality; the opposition of inward consciousness to rational, public, objective discourse; and an inclination to subjective distortion to point up the evanescence of the social world of the nineteenth-century bourgeoisie.’ (Barth, “The Literature of Replenishment” 68)

A prime example of this would be T.S Eliot and his poem ‘The Waste Land.’ While an American, like most of the Modernist movement, he eventually moved to London. Eliot’s work can be seen as a continuation of the Imagist movement with some of his own particular traits. ‘The Waste Land’ is his primary contribution to the Modernist movement and is a highly intellectual, allusive poem. It is a complex narrative broken into five different parts, each with a different speaker or speakers. Its notable disjointed structure places it firmly in the realms of modernism but there are indications of a taste for seventeenth century metaphysical poets without holding any nostalgia or romanticism for the past.

Another of the distinguishing characteristics of Eliot’s work is the manner in which he seamlessly moves from very high, formal verse into a more conversational and easy style. Yet even when the poetic voice of one section sounds very colloquial, there is a current underneath, which hides secondary meanings. It is this layering of meanings and contrasting of styles that mark Modernist work in general and T. S. Eliot in particular.

In ‘The Waste Land’ Eliot charges the reader with verse designs reminiscent of the bible, almost conversational breaks in the poem and classical references that are aimed to challenge. This leads to a poem that often resembles more prose than poetry. At the same time, Eliot displays all the conventions mentioned previously which one finds in Modernist Literature. There is the occupation with the self and introspection, the loss of traditional structures to support the self against horrifying realities, and more flexible route to truth and knowledge.

One of the key elements of Modernism is the break with tradition. This was not always met with eagerness but often with sorrow. This can be seen in ‘The Waste Land’ where Eliot uses

There is a distance, an alienation throughout Modernist works. While ‘The Waste Land’ is a deeply personal poem for Eliot, he also tries to distance himself from the piece, making himself a catalyst for the reader to experience what is ‘ethereal’ as the man himself describes in his essay ‘Tradition and the Individual Talent.’

“When the two gases previously mentioned are mixed in the presence of a filament of platinum, they form sulphurous acid. This combination takes place only if the platinum is present; nevertheless the newly formed acid contains no trace of platinum, and the platinum itself is apparently unaffected; has remained inert, neutral, and unchanged. The mind of the poet is the shred of platinum. It may partly or exclusively operate upon the experience of the man himself; but, the more perfect the artist, the more completely separate in him will be the man who suffers and the mind which creates; the more perfectly will the mind digest and transmute the passions which are its material.”

The dedication impersonality was linked to Eliot’s claim his work was in a “classical” style and not “romantic” by which it was more concerned with form and balance than with emotion or rather, the expression of emotion. Eliot did not avoid emotion in ‘The Waste Land’ but rather the emotion in the poem is displayed by the various speakers throughout. The different voices and tones convey emotion of differing levels, a consequence of which, by not identifying with any particular one of the speakers, Eliot achieves his personalisation.

Returning to tradition, Pericles Lewis notes in his book ‘Cambridge Introduction to Modernism’ that “A brief survey of the allusions in the first section of The Waste Land shows some of Eliot’s techniques for incorporating fragments of tradition into his own work. Aided by Eliot’s own notes and comments, scholars have identified allusions in this first section of 76 lines to: the Book of Common Prayer, Geoffrey Chaucer, Rupert Brooke, Walt Whitman, Théophile Gautier, Charles-Louis Philippe, James Thomson, Guillaume Apollinaire, Countess Marie Larisch, Wyndham Lewis, nine books of the Bible, John Donne, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Richard Wagner, Sappho, Catullus, Lord Byron, Joseph Campbell, Aldous Huxley, J. G. Frazer, Jessie L. Weston, W. B. Yeats, Shakespeare, Walter Pater, Charles Baudelaire, Dante, Ezra Pound, James Joyce, and John Webster—about one allusion every two lines.”

While quite a few of these allusions are weighted towards more recent works, being Eliot’s immediate predecessors in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries he also clearly notes a few ancient, medieval and Renaissance writers. This establishes a tradition of looking back to look forward but also serves another purpose. Lewis explains that “Eliot’s technique of allusion serves various functions: to give symbolic weight to the poem’s contemporary material, to encourage a sort of free association in the mind of the reader, and to establish a tone of pastiche, seeming to collect all the bric-a-brac of an exhausted civilization into one giant, foul rag and bone shop.”

Within the first lines of ‘The Waste Land’ there is a rejection but also a knowing nod to the tradition of the English language.

“April is the cruellest month, breeding Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing Memory and desire, stirring Dull roots with spring rain. Winter kept us warm, covering Earth in forgetful snow, feeding A little life with dried tubers.”

“April is the cruellest month” is an allusion to Chaucer and his Canterbury tales which opens with a line professing a description of April’s “sweet showers” which make the flower of spring grow. Whereas Chaucer sees this cycle of birth and rebirth appealing, to Eliot’s speaker it is mournful as birth reminds him of the inevitability of death. This is not an indictment of Chaucer but as Eliot says in ‘Tradition and The Individual Talent’ that “No poet, no artist of any art, has his complete meaning alone. His significance, his appreciation is the appreciation of his relation to the dead poets and artists…. The existing monuments [of art] form an ideal order among themselves, which is modified by the introduction of the new (the really new) work of art among them. The existing order is complete before the new work arrives; for order to persist after the supervention [sic] of novelty, the whole existing order must be, if ever so slightly, altered… the past [is] altered by the present as much as the present is directed by the past.”

It is worth noting again the relation to the First World War that Modernism shares. Modernist writers like Pound, Joyce and Eliot use ‘the current moment’ as a time of crisis, preparing or recovering from a break with history. This radical break creating Modernism certainly has something to do with the first world war, but it is also an aspect of the modernists’ eschatological view of the world, that is their fascination with the problem of destiny and the last judgment which can be seen in the biblical nature of some of ‘The Waste Land’. Kurtz’s famous last words (“The horror! The horror!”) in ‘Heart of Darkness’ ring through so much of later modernism. Eliot originally intended to use them as the epigraph for ‘The Waste Land.’ As Conrad’s narrator, Marlow, says, “he had summed up—he had judged. ‘The horror!’ He was a remarkable man. After all, this was the expression of some sort of belief; it had candor, it had conviction, it had a vibrating note of revolt in its whisper, it had the appalling face of a glimpsed truth—the strange commingling of desire and hate.”

This is something that runs through most Modernist works. The desire and ability to judge civilization as a whole. This could not sustain a movement. The cynicism and alienation of the Modernist literature could not persist. By 1939 and the outbreak of the Second World War there was already a backlash to the pretentions of the Modernist writers. A newer generation of writers chased a more pluralistic mode for their work and with the advent of a booming society commercialism and the popular audience were embraced rather than shunned in favour of a cryptic work like ‘The Waste Land’ which can be inaccessible to someone uneducated in classical works.

Alienation as a theme was no longer the done thing. That being said, the influence of Modernist literature continues to affect right up to the present day. Modernist poet-critics changed the way people think about artists and creative activities while the Modernist novelists changed the way many people perceive truth and reality. Writers such as Samuel Beckett were referred to as ‘Late Modernists’ and continued to develop some of the themes of early Modernism in their ‘Theatre of the Absurd’

Modernism was, in summary, a response to the world around the writers where the ways of thinking and writing no longer fit the society they found themselves in. No longer able to rely on the previously impermeable organisations as bastions of truth, the only response available was to look within and discover that truth was intrinsic to the reader, an idea that still persists to this day.

Bibliography and References

Barth, J (1984). The Friday Book: Essays and Other Non-Fiction. 2nd Ed. New York: Putnam Pub Group. 78-141.

Barth, J (1984). The Literature of Replenishment. 2nd Ed. New York: Putnam Pub Group. 1-60.

Eliot, T.S (1941). The Waste Land and Other Poems. 2nd ed. London: Faber and Faber. 25-44.

Lewis, P (2007). Cambridge Introduction to Modernism. London: Cambridge UP. 129-151.

MacCabe, Colin. T. S. Eliot. Tavistock: Northcote House, 2006.

N/A. (N/A). Modernism In Literature. Available: http://www.brighthubeducation.com/high-school-english-lessons/29453-modernism-in-literature/. Last accessed 9th December 2014.

N/A. (2012). Modernism in Literature. Available: http://www.slideshare.net/ciaffaroni/modernism-in-literature-1082251. Last accessed 8th December 2014.

N/A. (2012). Tradition and The Individual talent. Available: http://modernism.research.yale.edu/wiki/index.php/Tradition_and_the_individual_Talent. Last accessed 9th December 2014.

N/A. (2012). The Waste Land. Available: http://modernism.research.yale.edu/wiki/index.php/The_Waste_Land. Last accessed 9th December 2014.

Rahn, J. (2011). Modernism. The Literature Network. 8 (1), 3-4.

Christmas Shopping, The Joys Of


So for the first time in forever I started my Xmas shopping before Xmas eve.

Admittedly I have only got two items. A pot of some sort for my mother (she likes pots and it looks swish) and a voucher for a fabric shop for my sister (shout out to my brother for sorting that, the owner of said shop hates my guts but my sister wanted something from there and it saves my mum going to get it for me) which leaves me with only like a load of other people to buy for.

I’m actually pretty relaxed about it all this year. I’m going to buy bits here and there and not leave it to the annual day withtom where we buy more coffee than presents.

I’m awful at buying things although sometimes I do strike gold. I trust my intuition, I always get the perfect books for tom, the right gift for Timbo. When I’m inspired, I’m inspired. Like goodnight moon, it was a children’s book and I took a chance and it was well received. The second hand 50 shades of grey I bought for my mum wasn’t. Too well thumbed she said..

The Exeter Xmas market is lovely as usual. My brother and I ate so much german sausage I think we are now krauts.

Plus it’s nice to support indie traders, even if they glower at some of your questions…

And I’m not buying anything for myself. Last year I bought gta 5 and that was for me. Very naughty.

I might wrap them too for once. As Blink said ‘it’s Christmas Eve and I’ve only wrapped two fucking presents…’

Not this year boys, not this year.